just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
