Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
