So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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