matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
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I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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