i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
