Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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