a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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