I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
