he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
