I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
