True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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