Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
