I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
