i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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