First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
