How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
