then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
