i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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