so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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