five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Randomize
