I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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