you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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