Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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