Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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