New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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