And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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