I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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