I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
