At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
