he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
