I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
