I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
