he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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