At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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