He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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