I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
