And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
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When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
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I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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