Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
