I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
