Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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