Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
