I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
