He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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