dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
