I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
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Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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