You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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