apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
