My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
