Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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