Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
