Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i was born a porn star she said
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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