you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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