They should really pass out barf bags in church
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
