Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
