oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
