Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
