That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
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No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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