"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize