Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
