Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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