I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
operation have a gay friend backfired
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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