She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
