Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
