Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
